Rainbow Boys, Getting It, and other novels
about love and friendship for teens and adults
by
Alex Sanchez

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Gay Teens Coming Out

Many of you have emailed for my advice about coming out in high school (or coming out in middle school, or coming out to parents...) Good question!

My short answer: Coming out is a very personal decision (possibly one of the milestone decisions in your life) and only you can decide if, how, with whom, and when to come out.

My long answer: Coming out can be a very freeing thing. You no longer have to hide who you are, censor what your say, and watch what you do. Being honest and open enables you to feel confident about yourself and more able to form closer relationships with people.

But because homophobia is so pervasive in our society, you never know how others will react. Some people may accept you immediately, others may take a while, and others may never accept you, even though you're the same person you were before you came out. A big part of coming out is whether you're prepared to deal with anti-gay reactions that may come from your being open.

There is no rush to come out. TAKE YOUR TIME. The most important thing is that YOU love and accept yourself for who you are. Don't do anything before you feel ready. It's your life and your choice.

In order to help you in your decision, ask yourself:

What kind of views do your friends, teachers, and family have about gay and lesbian people?

Do you have emotional support? (friends, relatives, teachers, a pastor)

Are you financially dependent on your family?

Make sure you have thought out your decision, have a plan and supportive people you can turn to. And be prepared for the reactions your family or loved ones may have. They may need time to adjust to your news, the same way you have needed time to come to terms with yourself.

Also, you might want to first talk with other young people by contacting one of the organizations on my Youth Resources page.

Remember, whatever you decide is OKAY. Only you can decide what's best in your life at any given moment.

I hope this is helpful. Let me know how it goes.

Peace and best wishes,
Alex

P.S.: Also, check out my page on spirituality!

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